Snapshots
by l03l
Summary: A collection of unrelated prompt fills and ficlets cross-posted on tumblr. Chapter 10: A continuation of 4x17 "Once Upon a Crime".
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This story will be an ongoing collection of prompt fills and ficlets that I've posted on tumblr; I'm really just posting them here for my own organisation. They're all unrelated one-shots and fairly short. If you'd like to send me a prompt feel free, my tumblr is l03l :)_

 _Prompt:_

" _In "'til death do us part" Castle describes his date, but before he's able to tell Beckett that it's Alexis, Kate leaves the room, because she can't handle the fact that he has someone new."_

* * *

"You're bringing a date?"

To say she's caught off guard would be an understatement. Any lingering amusement at Esposito's antics disappears, and she turns to Castle as he responds.

"I am."

"Who?"

"Oh. Well, she's beautiful, she's intelligent, she's funny, the way she smiles at me sometimes just melts my heart…"

She pushes her chair back, the sound of it dragging against the floor loud and grating.

"I need to file this," she grits out, gathering up the half-finished paperwork that's spread across the break room table before standing and leaving the room.

She drops the file on her desk, falling into her chair with a soft groan.

How is he bringing a date?

They've been… getting closer, and she really thought there was no mistake as to where they're headed. Three days ago she was looking over her shoulder and promising him that the next time they're handcuffed together there won't be a tiger involved. Now he's dating someone new?

Logically, she knows he has every right, but that doesn't negate the jealousy bubbling in her gut, nor does it prevent her from acting irrationally and running away, apparently.

She was looking forward to a night out with him – with all of their friends – and now she's going to have to watch him with some beautiful, intelligent woman whose smile melts his heart.

"It's Alexis."

He holds the coffee she left in the break room out to her like a peace offering.

"Alexis is my date for Ryan's wedding."

"Oh."

Her cheeks flame, but his smile isn't smug, it's understanding.

"I didn't want to go alone, and I wasn't sure if…" he trails off, his eyes narrowing slightly. "I didn't want to assume anything."

His words are vague, but she understands perfectly. He didn't want to assume they'd face the wedding together, and he didn't want to take someone else. Alexis is the perfect solution.

Here he is, being so careful, so tentative, while she's showing her hand for everyone to see, stalking off at the first mention of him dating someone. There's no way to salvage it, though, not after such a blatant and childish display of jealousy, so she just looks up at him, transparent.

"You could have assumed, Castle," she murmurs. "Save me a dance or two?"

She told Esposito not five minutes ago that she'd dance with him if his plans didn't work out, but it's different with Castle. Like everything between them now, there's an undercurrent of _someday_ , the indication that their future holds dancing at weddings where they aren't guests, handcuffs for purposes that aren't even slightly work-related.

He knows it too; he sees in her eyes all that she wants to share with him when she's capable of doing so.

He nods, taking her hand as if he's about to ask her to dance in the middle of the precinct, but instead focusing her attention, ensuring she doesn't miss the promise implicit in his words.

"I can't wait."

…

She's making small talk with Ryan's relatives when she sees him enter the church, surprisingly alone.

"Where's your date?"

She's grinning at him, so excited to see Ryan marry Jenny, to celebrate with her friends, with Castle. He's always in a category of his own.

He turns to her, confident as he holds out his hand despite the glimmer of uncertainty in his eyes.

"Right here."

Her smile widens, her whole face alight with joy as she entwines her fingers with his.

"Okay."

* * *

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	2. Chapter 2

_Prompt:_

" _S7 AU. He's missing and she's sitting on their bathroom floor with the stick in her hand and she's crying, she goes to the doctor the day after and the doctor confirms that she's pregnant. (They find him just like in 7x01)."_

* * *

This isn't the way it was meant to be.

They'd talked about it, about how it would happen. Fantasised about _trying_ and the excitement of going through it all together.

She wasn't supposed to be alone on the bathroom floor with a pregnancy test, afraid of the result.

But she wasn't supposed to spend her wedding day searching for her missing fiancé, either.

She lifts her hand, sees blurry confirmation of a fact she already knows and pushes the plastic stick across the tiles with unnecessary force.

 _Pregnant_.

…

Her doctor is professional, but her eyes bleed sympathy because she _knows_.

That the engagement ring she can't bear to take off isn't accompanied by a wedding band, as it should be by now. That her fiancé – the father of this child she's carrying – is missing and may never return.

Everybody knows.

…

She refuses to stop looking for him.

The evidence is stacked against him so high it feels as though it's caving in on her, but she won't stop. Her child deserves a father, or at the very least, to know what happened to him.

She sets up a murder board at her apartment, and she chases every possibility of a lead. When the solitude gets to be too much she goes to the loft, shares the pain of his absence, sleeps in their bed, and pretends he'll be there when she wakes.

…

Seven weeks pass, and she has nothing.

In her darkest moments, when she's lost all faith, all memory of the man who would never disappear of his own volition, she wonders…

Would this baby have made him stay?

But then morning comes, and she stares at the ultrasound photo she keeps in his nightstand, waiting for him.

He wouldn't have missed this – any of it.

He wouldn't have run away from her, their wedding, the future they both wanted to share.

He has to be out there, and she will find him.

…

When she gets the call that he's alive and at the hospital, nothing else matters. Not the months spent terrified of all that might be, not the doubt that crept in during fleeting, weak moments.

But then he can't explain away the evidence suggesting that he was behind his own disappearance.

Once again, nothing is as it was supposed to be, not even when he's home and safe and going through the motions of a nightly routine that should be a comfort to her.

Everything's off, and she knows he feels it too.

"I was just thinking… I feel like I just wore this yesterday, that we slept in this bed last night. For you it must seem like a lifetime ago."

He stands beside the bed, his watch in his hands, the edge of his robe brushing against the drawer that holds proof of the time that has passed.

"Yeah, it does."

"How did you not lose hope?"

"I did lose hope, you know, but I'd get it back…"

She trails off, nervous under the power of his gaze but unable to keep it a secret any longer. She brushes past him, and he shuffles backwards to allow her the space to access his nightstand.

It's his copy, always has been, and her heart flutters knowing that he'll finally get to have it, that they'll finally get to share this.

It might not have happened according to plan, and they might be on shaky ground, but he's here.

They all are.

"Kate."

Her name is a breath of disbelief as he falls back on the bed, his eyes never leaving the image in his hands – their future.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers, the words still laced with shock. "I'm sorry I wasn't here."

"It's not your fault."

They can't just pick up where they left off, and nothing will ever be the same, but they're here, and they have each other.

She wraps her arms around him, presses her face to his chest with a promise.

"We'll find our way home."

* * *

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	3. Chapter 3

_Prompt:_

" _It's not like she's jealous. Ever since she came back to the precinct physically healed from the gunshot, he's spent a few nights at her apartment. They haven't even had time to define this new level their partnership has taken. But the moment Serena Kaye made her appearance…"_

* * *

She sees the way Castle looks at the woman with the open smile.

The woman who is smart and sexy and who doesn't have a hole in her chest. He's not exactly subtle, running after Serena Kaye every chance he gets.

Two nights ago they were on her couch sharing wine and easy conversation, and it stings now, watching him lose all interest in her the moment the insurance investigator inserts herself into their case.

Okay, maybe she's a little bit jealous.

That Serena Kaye isn't laden with years of baggage, that Serena Kaye can probably sleep through the night, that Serena Kaye might be able to love him in the way that he deserves.

 _What are you really scared of? That he won't wait for you? Or that he will?_

Dr Burke doesn't let her get away with much, and some days she appreciates it, others it angers her beyond belief.

Today it's the latter, because he sends her to work with the question echoing in her ears, refusing to be ignored.

It's both – of course it's both.

She doesn't want him to move on, to date Serena or anyone other than her, but the thought that he might put his life on hold for her is even more terrifying.

He has been coming over a few nights a week and they share a drink, talk about their cases or his family. It goes unspoken that it will one day be something more than companionable physical contact and friendship, when she's a little bit more whole.

She still has nightmares, is still jerked awake by images of cloaked snipers, taunted by the thought that he's out there, the man who put the bullet in her chest and split her in two. Some nights she can't sleep at all, curls up in the corner of her bedroom with the blinds closed and her gun outstretched in shaking hands.

But Serena Kaye is perfect and Castle likes her. She can't be selfish. He deserves to be able to find happiness, even if it isn't with her.

So when he asks her if she thinks he should pursue something with the insurance investigator, she tries to sound as if she doesn't have an opinion, because she shouldn't. Just because she's almost entirely sure that she loves him too, that they could have everything she ever wanted when she was young and idealistic, she can't ask him to wait for her. She's seeing Dr Burke, trying to work through her issues and become capable of not just loving him, but letting herself fall in love with him, but she doesn't know that she'll ever get there.

So she can't be anything other than neutral, no matter how much the thought of him with someone else pains her.

But then Serena's their thief, and her jealousy reignites, stronger than before.

She just wants to make an arrest and pretend that none of this ever happened. To go back to ignorance and the friendship that pushes all limits of the definition, even if they don't talk about it.

She knows she's being petty and spiteful when she suggests that Castle ask Serena out on a date, but it does serve the purpose of keeping her occupied so they can search her room. She plans to hide behind that motive if questioned, even if the knowledge in Ryan and Esposito's eyes is piercing.

"It's what you wanted, isn't it?" She turns to Castle, pushing the point while the boys are present to make sure he doesn't call her bluff, but he doesn't seem to care.

"No, it's not."

His gaze is focused on her, the meaning behind his words clear for all to see, causing Ryan and Espo disappear quickly as her cheeks flame.

"I thought we were working towards something," he says, his voice a hushed whisper even though no one is in earshot.

He won't let her pull away, drop his gaze or hide behind the façade she's been unsuccessfully trying to perpetuate all day.

She knows what he's talking about, that it extends further than their conversation at the swings following his book signing.

It's the evenings since then, spent decompressing after work. The way her hand lingers on his when he passes her a glass of wine. It's the split second of hesitance she has when she bids him goodnight. When she wants to invite him to stay, to press her lips to his in farewell, but her nerves keep her motionless.

Before Serena Kaye entered the picture, she rationalised that the waiting would be worth it. That one day she'd be whole again, and they'd have the kind of relationship they both desire.

Now that she's seen a future of standing by as he falls for someone else, she wonders whether it would be better to just jump in.

But with one look at him, she knows she can't.

It's all or nothing with him, and she can't give him everything – not yet.

"We are working towards something. But I'm not there yet, Castle."

She sounds far more desperate than she intends and she sighs loudly in the subsequent silence, searching the precinct for anything she can use as a distraction or an excuse to leave.

"I want you, Kate," he murmurs urgently. "I want _you_. But I need to know that this is something you want, even if it's sometime in the future, because if it's not–"

The brush of her lips against his silences him immediately.

She can't help herself anymore, even though they're at the precinct, even though Ryan and Espo have probably circled back to be nosy, because how could he think that this isn't something she wants?

The kiss lasts only a few seconds, but when she pulls away she can barely string a sentence together.

"It is, I…"

She takes a deep breath, thinks about all that she's told Dr Burke, and tells herself that it shouldn't be harder to admit it to Castle.

"I'm a mess, Castle," she whispers. The secret that she's keeping is a fist around her heart, but she can't tell him now. "But I want to be better for you."

"Okay."

He cuts her off, his tone utterly accepting.

The fact that nothing more need be said at this point, that the simple understanding is enough for him makes her breathless.

It's another stone underfoot in this tenuous path they're walking, their future just that little bit closer.

It's all they need, for now.

* * *

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	4. Chapter 4

_Prompt:_

" _AU 2x06 Vampire Weekend. What if their almost kiss wasn't interrupted and they did kiss."_

* * *

It isn't planned.

He's not trying to tease her or knock her off balance. He just turns his head and she's right there, the distinct fruity scent invading his senses, making him intensely aware of her proximity, how easy it would be to inch a little bit closer…

"You smell like cherries."

She turns to him when the words slip out, her eyes wide, and he can't look away. Her gaze is magnetic, and he needs her to blink first, because he _can't_.

Instead, her eyes flit to his mouth before she closes the distance between them, pressing her lips against his in a bruising kiss.

"Hey, we got a hit on the…"

Ryan's voice snaps him from the moment, and Beckett pulls away so fast it makes him wonder if it even happened. But the taste of her still lingers on his lips, and Ryan and Esposito are far too amused for it to have been a product of his imagination.

"Are we interrupting something?" Esposito wants to know, a smug grin on his face.

"Yes!" He exclaims, looking back at Beckett in surprise when the same frustrated response falls from her lips.

Her indignant reaction is enough to make Ryan and Esposito scurry away, retreating back to their desks.

He blinks twice. Did Kate Beckett really just kiss him and then admit as much to her colleagues?

She gathers up the case file, the faintest blush staining her cheeks as she moves towards the door.

"Beckett," he calls, stopping her in the doorway.

"Let's just solve this case first, okay?" She glances towards the bullpen self-consciously, and he nods once.

They are at the precinct, and he knows she values professionalism.

They'll talk about it later.

…

Between non-vampire bites and the disaster that is his daughter's first senior party, they don't get another private moment.

He jokes that anyone who wants to bite him should buy him dinner first, teases her with a fictional story about how he was drawn to writing about murder, and she evens the score upon her arrival at his Halloween party.

He's almost entirely convinced she's never going to acknowledge what happened.

But when the party comes to an end and he closes the door behind the last of his guests, he looks to the kitchen and there she is.

"You're still here," he observes, pleasantly surprised.

It's their first moment alone outside of the precinct since they solved the case, and she's not running away. She's approaching him steadily, her eyes dark with desire.

Her kiss is furious, demanding, nothing like before, and he responds in kind, his lips moving against hers, all teeth and tongue and desperation. She's everywhere, her fingers at his jaw, her palm at his back, always holding him close, and if he didn't before, he knows now that he'll never get enough of her.

He's breathless when they part, and she draws his bottom lip between her teeth in a soft bite, smirking up at him.

"Maybe I should buy you dinner first, Castle," she teases, even as she takes his hand, tugging him towards his bedroom.

"Dinner can wait."

* * *

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	5. Chapter 5

_A/N:_

 _This was written for a gif prompt, which you can see here: l03l dot tumblr dot com /post/102140890954_

* * *

She loves mornings like this.

Lazy mornings when neither of them have to work, and he sneaks out of bed to make coffee and grab the newspaper and they don't get up until it's absolutely necessary.

Even with her eyes closed she can feel him standing over her, and she represses a grin.

She _loves_ mornings like this.

"I know you're awake, Beckett," he teases softly, climbing onto the bed with all the grace of a toddler and nudging her feet.

She groans, allowing a lazy smile even as she refuses to let go of sleep just yet, but he won't be ignored.

"Beckett," he singsongs, and she really has no idea how he's this awake when she can barely force her eyes open. Clearly last night took more out of her than it did him.

"Do I need to tickle you awake?" He asks, and she can't help it then, she laughs softly as she opens her eyes.

"You wouldn't have much luck," she says as she sits up and locates the coffee on the nightstand, but the look on his face stops her.

"I'm not ticklish," she explains, amused by the way his mouth drops open in shock.

Shock quickly makes way for intent, though, and she's glad she didn't reach for her coffee because he's inching towards her, hands outstretched.

"Don't you dare," she warns, and the moment the words leave her mouth she knows they were a mistake, because they only incite a playful smirk as if she just issued a challenge.

"Castle…"

His fingertips dance along the edge of her ribcage, and it's not _fair_ that he knows the exact spots to make her erupt in uncontrollable laughter, and he doesn't relent, his grin widening in triumph.

"Still not ticklish, Beckett?" He teases, and she lets him have his fun, her hand slowly reaching for the pillow at her back, slamming it against his chest in one swift movement.

He pulls away instantly, and for a split second she's smug with victory, until she realises that he's _too_ delighted by the way she's turned the tables.

"Katherine Beckett," he says, sounding oddly proud, and she's so distracted by the use of her full name that she doesn't even notice him grappling for the pillow by his side until it's at her face, muffling her laughter as she falls back against the mattress.

She wrenches the pillow out of the way with ease, shaking her head at this man, this crazy, playful man that loves her, and with the pillows out of the way, the laughter subsiding, the intent in his eyes shifts.

He hovers over her, his eyes intense, and she's reminded again why she loves mornings like this as his lips descend on hers, kissing her languidly and erasing all thought from her brain, until she feels his fingers at her sides, and she pulls away instinctively, her laughter bubbling between them.

"I'm not ticklish!"

* * *

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	6. Chapter 6

_Prompt:_

" _Their Remy's date turned into more."_

* * *

They leave the precinct side-by-side, her stomach fluttering as they make their way to Remy's. It's ridiculous, because she's shared plenty of meals with Castle, and this shouldn't be any different.

Except that it feels like a date.

From the moment they approached the elevator, her arm linked in his, the implication that this is more than just co-workers grabbing a burger has been hovering over them, and for all her frustration and outrage over being romantically linked to him in the paper, she doesn't mind it.

They share a booth in the corner of the diner, the playful teasing that straddles the border of professional at the precinct becoming something she can't define as anything other than flirting, making her body thrum with arousal, her heart race. Conversation volleys back and forth, not even waning when their food arrives, and on the heels of her set-up with Mr-Perfect-Fireman, it's almost blinding, how right it feels to be with Castle.

He might drive her utterly insane at times, but looking across at him now, she can't think of a single reason why she shouldn't take a chance on them.

The evening disappears before she realises how much time has passed, and suddenly she's left with an empty plate in front of her and the sinking realisation that the night is coming to an end.

They move to the exit and silence falls between them for the first time, the inevitability of saying goodnight and going their separate ways all too tangible. It jolts her into action, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as she meets his gaze.

"You have anywhere to be, Castle?" She asks, wondering if Alexis is waiting for him at home, and he shakes his head emphatically.

She allows a teasing smirk, stepping closer.

"Do you want to come back to my place?"

After a split second of shock-induced hesitation he inches forward, his lips at her ear.

"I'd love to."

She spends the entire drive stealing glances at him when he isn't looking, certain of what she wants and not about to second-guess it.

This is a man who was a solid support when a murder case turned into a hunt for her mother's killer, a man who dropped an exorbitant amount of money to aid in her search, a man who after the worst of days can make her smile.

She wants him, and admitting it to herself makes her bold.

They reach her apartment and she doesn't stall, instead unlocking the door and pushing it open without preamble.

His hand meets hers and she tugs him across the threshold, guiding him back against the wall, her eyes never leaving his.

"Kate," he breathes, as if he can't quite believe it's happening, and she responds in kind.

"Rick."

Her voice is steady, doesn't waver.

He surges, then, his thumb at her cheekbone and his palm spanning her cheek as he meets her halfway, kissing her with abandon.

She's pliable under his touch, letting him take the lead for now, a moan falling from her lips only to be muffled by his.

He pulls away to catch his breath and she touches her fingertips to her lips, a little bit dazed and almost positive that she's never been kissed like that in her life.

She blinks twice, a sly smile spreading across her face as she entwines her fingers with his, leading him towards the bedroom.

...

She wakes with a contented smile, twisting in the sheets to see him fast asleep beside her, his hair adorably mussed, and she finds she has no regrets.

There's no room for them, not with the morning light filtering through the blinds and the barriers between them nowhere to be seen. She left Detective Beckett at the precinct, and she likes letting him see who she is outside of work, likes having him in her life, in her bed. She won't overthink it or make it unnecessarily complicated, not when he's so relaxed in his slumber and she feels so content with him beside her.

Even when he wakes blearily and reaches for her, she doesn't think about what's going to happen next, she doesn't consider all the reasons this could be a disaster. She just falls into his embrace.

* * *

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	7. Chapter 7

_Prompt:_

 _"A story that finds Kate in a situation where she's relentlessly pranked by a kid or group of kids."_

* * *

The loft is quiet when Kate gets home, and she calls out to her family as she makes her way to the kitchen, surprised by the lack of response.

She dumps the groceries on the counter, unloading the few items that Castle asked her to grab on her way home. He probably has the kids engrossed in a game or activity upstairs, and she throws open the refrigerator door, impatient to join them.

She's barely paying attention as she slots the milk into an empty space in the door, but a cursory glance at the shelves is enough to cause a smile to spread across her lips.

She chuckles softly, the rare silence and Castle's unusual request for food she didn't think they needed falling into place as muffled giggling floats down from the top of the stairs.

"What's this?" She wonders loudly, her voice carrying across the loft and inciting more uncontrollable laughter.

She can't help but join in as she surveys the googly eyes that are pressed haphazardly to every item in the refrigerator. Even a container of leftovers at the back of the top shelf is staring back at her with crooked little eyes.

The sound of her laughter triggers impatient footsteps on the stairs; excited choruses of "Mom" and "Mommy" competing to be heard as little hands grapple at her waistline.

"We got you Mommy," her youngest declares, giggling hysterically, so pleased.

"You did, baby," she agrees, grinning and crouching down to pull both her son and daughter into her arms.

It has been going on for a while now, the harmless pranks pulled by her children, often instigated by her husband. Weeks of jokes and silliness that bring her kids such joy and never fail to make her smile.

"Where's Daddy?" She inquires, surprised that Castle hasn't emerged to revel in the aftermath as he usually does.

"He's writing," her daughter moans, and Kate knows he must be deeply entrenched in his work to not have been drawn out by the sounds of their craziness.

Her lips quirk, something their eldest notices immediately, his brows furrowing in suspicion.

"Why don't you go scare him?"

Their eyes light up, so mischievous, and she follows the two of them across the living room with a finger to her lips as they struggle to contain their laughter at the prospect of sneaking up on their father.

They enter Castle's office, crawling across the floor more stealthily than she expected, but their jerky movements are in no way unnoticeable. Still, Castle gives nothing away, his fingers typing steadily until their son and daughter pop up from behind his desk with twin squeals and he pushes back in his chair, shrieking loudly. They fall into his arms, laughing as he plays up his reaction, a performance his mother would be proud of, and Kate shares an amused smile with her husband.

"I see the tables have turned," he muses, an eyebrow rising in challenge.

"Game on."

* * *

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	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: A fluffy ficlet for #castlethemeday._

* * *

He wakes to the sight of her, a grin spreading across his face.

She's beautifully comfortable in his home, in his bed, and he has to remind himself that this is real.

One ghost of a touch across her bare shoulder is all he needs, and he sighs in contentment at the confirmation.

God, he loves her.

So many nights he imagined this, and it is more than he ever could have hoped.

She isn't a calm sleeper but he loves it, loves being roused to her twisting in her sleep, repositioning until she's comfortable.

She does it now, turning onto her side and flinging an arm over him in what is essentially a slap of flesh, the sound making her blink blearily into consciousness.

She's adorably confused as she wakes, smiling lazily as he comes into focus.

"Hey."

Her voice is gravelly with sleep, and he presses a kiss to her nose because he can, and she giggles – seriously _giggles_ – at him, shifting against the sheets.

"Morning," he murmurs, revelling in the way she moves into his embrace, her body pressing against his, her chin on his chest.

They've been doing this for weeks now, spending more nights together than not, and he knows for certain that nothing will ever beat the sight of Kate Beckett in the morning.

"I love it when you're the first thing I see in the morning," he whispers.

She rolls her eyes, shirking the compliment, and okay, maybe he could be more eloquent, but it's barely six in the morning.

"I love you," he tries again, going to tried and true, and she smiles, a slow spread of lips that lights up her whole face.

"I love you."

The words are such perfect repetition that he does a double take.

She laughs at him then, and he's sure that it's real.

"Really?"

The word escapes before he can catch it and she shakes her head at him, amused.

"Of course I do."

He grins then, uninhibited and completely unprepared for the kiss she brushes against his lips.

"Did you doubt it?" She wonders teasingly, but he sees the question in her eyes, the curiosity, and he shakes his head.

He sees every day how much she cares for him – that she loves him – but seeing it and hearing it are two different things.

Hearing her say it aloud is a gift and he treasures it, because he's never heard her say those three words to anyone, and now they're directed at him.

He kisses her again, tries to express all that it means to him; that they're here now, after everything, that she loves him.

Her hand brushes his chest, her palm over his heart. Her eyes are sparkling and she sees right through him, knows exactly what she's doing to him when she repeats the words, his heart beating faster against her hand.

"I love you."

* * *

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	9. Chapter 9

_A/N:_

 _This was written for fembot77's Castle Flash-Fiction Challenge on tumblr, which was to fill a prompt within an hour of reading it._

 _Prompt: Eulogy_

 **Warning: major character death.**

* * *

It's all wrong.

She's sitting at his desk, using his laptop, the blank page mocking her as she thinks of how many words – how many novels – he wrote for her sitting in this exact spot.

She can't even find the words to form a sentence.

The kids offered to do it, each of them wanting to spare her whatever pain they could, but she'd declined, needing to do this for him.

She'd thought it would bring closure, putting into words the life they shared, all that he means to her, but she realises now that nothing she writes will ever do him justice.

She lifts her gaze to the bookshelves that fill his office, the words he left her, blinking away the tears that have lined her eyes since it happened.

"Hey."

Alexis leans in the doorway and Kate stands, forces a smile.

"They're all asleep."

Kate nods, reaching for Alexis's hand when she approaches, needing the tangible reminder that she isn't alone, despite the constant ache in her chest.

Everyone's here; the kids and grandkids all camped out in bedrooms and on couches, and yet the loft has never felt quieter.

"How's it going?" Alexis asks, nodding to the computer, her voice soft.

They've been existing in muted tones and quiet whispers, and it only highlights his absence.

She twists the screen to show Alexis the blank page, and Alexis closes the laptop.

"You need some sleep."

She doesn't disagree, knows she's barely had more than a few hours since she found herself left with an empty bed, but she can't face it.

It's bad enough sitting here without him; she can't sleep in that bed knowing he'll never share it with her again.

"Alexis-" she tries to explain, finds that words are failing her completely today.

But she sees only empathy in Alexis's blue eyes – his eyes – and she complies, swallowing the lump in the back of her throat.

"Will you lie with me for a while?"

The request comes out a broken whisper, and she clears her throat, tries to regain some semblance of control over the emotion that is ever-present.

"Of course."

She curls up under the comforter, facing away from his side of the bed, inhaling his lingering scent and pretending that he's just away for the weekend, though it's been years since they spent a night apart.

Alexis squeezes her shoulder, and the cry of her youngest grandchild echoes faintly from upstairs.

She smiles softly, closes her eyes.

He's gone; she knows he's gone, but he's still here, in every memory, every piece of her life.

In the darkness she can see him – rushing upstairs to soothe the baby before she could wake, bringing overly excited kids to her with breakfast in bed, reminiscing about the quiet contentment of being empty nesters.

She's not alone – not really.

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	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: Follows on from the end of 4x17 "Once Upon a Crime"._

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He's not going to push it, she realises.

Even though the spark between them could just about power the building, even though she's been stalling at his door for over fifteen minutes now, he isn't going to be the one to take the step, to push the point. Not when she asked him all those months ago in a vague conversation to wait for her.

So this time when silence falls and the implication that it's time for her to go is inescapable, she closes the distance between them instead of turning towards the door.

She tilts her head, her lips a breath from his, allowing for and enjoying the moment of surprise that flits across his face before she kisses him, her lips insistent, leaving no room for misinterpretation.

One taste, and she knows that all the work she's done to get here was worth it. All the sessions with Burke, the sometimes ugly self-reflection.

Worth it to feel Castle's lips against hers without a flicker of doubt in her mind, to feel the touch of his fingertips at the small of her back, drawing her closer.

Her gaze meets his when their lips part, her hand at his jaw, unwilling to pull away.

"I don't want to wait anymore," she murmurs, dusting another quick kiss to his lips, unable to resist.

The inevitability of them has been like a secret making her giddy with the possibilities, but she doesn't want to just imagine all that they will have _one day_ , she wants to experience the reality.

The love in his eyes is blinding, her heart full with the immensity of it, but underlying it is a hunger she's never seen before, not so blatantly, and her heart rate quickens.

For once he lets the words go unsaid, instead kissing her again, the movement of his lips unrelenting, even as she pulls him towards the bedroom.

…

She's half draped over him, his hand running through her hair lazily as she presses intermittent kisses to his chest.

"This was unexpected," he breathes, the silence of the room making the whispered words seem impossibly loud.

"Was it?" She wonders, twisting to meet his gaze, his smile dizzying.

"Maybe not," he agrees, leaning to kiss her again. "Tonight it was," he clarifies, and she hums softly.

She's not sure what it was, whether it was the wine or the feeling of family that she somehow has a place in, or hearing about his childhood as he whispered in her ear throughout Martha's retellings, correcting the exaggerations and embellishments.

Whatever the reason, whatever gave her the courage to take the final step and accept that maybe she'd never be completely where she wants to be until she takes a leap of faith, she's so glad that she did.

Even with the contentment that is a haze washing over them, she knows there's still a secret between them, one she can't avoid forever. But she doesn't want to taint tonight with it, doesn't want to ruin the way it feels to finally be in his arms, so she swallows it for a little longer, vowing that she'll tell him tomorrow.

Tomorrow they can fight over her lie, and hopefully she'll be a bit more prepared to explain it to him.

Now, though, she kisses him briefly before slipping a leg over his waist, straddling him with a devious smile.

Her hair falls over her shoulder and he slips his hand through it, drawing her closer until their lips meet, and he moves fiercely, so different from the first time, which was all sweet and languid, learning each other, loving each other.

This is desperate, rough; another example of how perfect he is for her.

The rest can wait until tomorrow.

* * *

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